Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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