if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
