I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
