WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
