Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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