I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
