my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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