Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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