Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We just shotgunned beers for America
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
