Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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