am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Houston, we have a blender
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
