I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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