Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
