at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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