Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
