There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
