I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
