What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize