I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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