and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
