just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
