Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
