I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
