Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
