no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
