found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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