So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
