i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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