if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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