i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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