I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
