Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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