Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My cat gives me a boner
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I am midnight drunk by noon
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
