Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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