he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am naked and annoyed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
