My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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