I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
