in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
