She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
