i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
