Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
