I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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