You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize