You're my little dorito
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Randomize
