I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
