You're my little dorito
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You need Xanax blowdarts
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
