All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
How's work?
Spinning.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
