I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
