he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
