I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
