somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
