I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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