oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize