Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
honey bunches of taint.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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