Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
