he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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