is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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