No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
