got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
