May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
what day is it and did you see me today?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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