hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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