woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sorry about my life...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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