batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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