hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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