Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
