I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it's not cheating when I paid for it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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