I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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