he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize