I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
