I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
