But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
