i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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