Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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