I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
