I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is Oprah even human
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize