Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
